I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
