Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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