And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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