I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
