I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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