Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Someone shit on the floor
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize