Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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