this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
