Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
