Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
