you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
