it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Shame - the story of my life.
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