Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
