So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
