what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
