Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Im part way to drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
