i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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