i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
