My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
