I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
