I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
