some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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