please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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