I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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