It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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