My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
