You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
