His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
