wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I believe in your delicious
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
