Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
