The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize