You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
