im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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