yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
