Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
