She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
