i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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