This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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