The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
