I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
