Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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