no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize