omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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