Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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