I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
