i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
