i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
