sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
