I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
