imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
