how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
