the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize