Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
