What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
