I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
