i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize