And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
