yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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