How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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