Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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