STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize