the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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