i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
