I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
