I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
