he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
