sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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