I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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