He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
