you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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