mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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