I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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