Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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