Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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