saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
